how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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