i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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