I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
