Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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