so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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