One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
