Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
