I cannot find my penis.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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