plz talk dirty to me
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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