He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
