We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I party with great urgency now.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
