Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
