i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
