im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
