Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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