I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
