I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
