mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
