thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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