Small penises have feelings too.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
