I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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