well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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