eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You're a waste of cheezeits
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
