Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
its not stalking. its research.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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