You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
