he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
