I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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