batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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