He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
