I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
