Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
