We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
