we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
