hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i need some magic done to my vagina
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
