I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
