I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
