can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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