So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
