id be glad to
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
