how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
