i think i have two assholes
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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