bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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