if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we made out on top of his cat.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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