Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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