the condom got lost in my hair
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
