Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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