It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
