You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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