I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
