I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
